I jaywalk because I’m jewish.

I’ve been driving around in downtown Portland a couple times in recent weeks.  Did you know they totally revamped the whole bus mall area?  Yeah.  Now when you make right turns you have to turn into the FAR lane.  Because the bus and the streetcar are taking up the normal lanes you’d turn into.

It’s kinda weird.  But whatever.  I”m all for mass transit, here, people.  ALL for it.

But in conjunction with this whole bus mall revamping, I heard that the local PDX police were cracking down on jaywalkers in the bus mall area.  Cracking down hard.  Like they’re some sort of hardened criminal element, like oh say drug dealers.  Because we never have THOSE in downtown Portland, right?

Ha. Right.

I am a proud jaywalker.  I would gladly pay any fine for the privilege of crossing a street with intention.  I cross with intention by checking both ways and seeing whether or not there are any cars coming, and then crossing, regardless of what some stupid machine is telling me to do.  It’s a minor rebellion, but it’s important to me.  Allow me to explain.

Fully half of my mother’s side of the family died during World War II.  A relative did our family tree and of the 10 or so siblings alive before the war, less than half were alive afterward.  Under each name of a sibling (some very, very young) who did not survive, was just one word: Holocaust.  It’s a chilling thing to see.  And then there is this, from Pastor Martin Niemoller.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before:

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

Then they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
I did not protest;
I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
I did not speak out;
I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out for me.

What does this all have to do with jaywalking, you ask?  Relying on my senses instead of relying on a rule is my one small way of affirming to myself that I will never blindly follow rules.  I will protest rules that persecute others.  For all my relatives who died, I risk punishment for not following a rule that makes no sense to me, because I think that using my eyes, ears and brain works much more effectively.  Much like I protest against rules that prohibit gay marriage, or gays in the military, because they truly do not make sense to me either.

True, it may be a stretch to remember victims of the Holocaust by jaywalking.  But every time I step off that curb, regardless of what the sign indicates…it is the millions who died that are in my thoughts.

Anatomy of a geek

I am such a geek.  Seriously, today in particular, I am overwhelmed with the extent of my geekiness.  Luckily, there was a split in the space time continuum and my particular particles got sucked into the alternative universe where being a geek is so tres chic.

(Hey!  I did a little rhyme there!  See that?  I’m a creative geek.)

Here’s the latest things that make my pocket protectors shudder with pleasure me so very cool:

  1. I bought the new iPhone.  When I already have an iPhone.  I squee’ed so hard when it came out it pretty much cemented my geekdom for the next millennium.  And, I got the discount pricing even though I already am an AT&T customer, because I was due for my bi-yearly phone upgrade.  Why did I buy an iPhone?  Um, improved VGA video recording camera? Push notification?  Photo and video geotagging?  Digital compass?  Improved battery life?  Faster downloads and web browsing?  Not to mention I still have the first generation, so no 3G for me yet.  I’d like some REAL (assisted) GPS, thankyouverymuch.  Call me spoiled, call me demanding…yes I am.
  2. This is my new favorite blog.  It makes me feel very, very smart.   Mostly, because I am.  But it helps me be more smart.  Er.  Smarter.
  3. Speaking of smart, this is my new favorite show.  It’s full of very smart people doing very cool things.  Plus, they’re hot.  In fact, I’ve decided my ideal woman is a cross between Emily Deschanel as Temperance Brennan and Sandra Bullock.   Quirky yet intelligent.  Rowwrrr.
  4. I’m having heart palpitations knowing that Wil Wheaton is in Portland.  Yes, Wil Wheaton.  OMG I KNOW!  Because of course all of Portland is palpitating right along with me.  Just check out Rick Turoczy’s fanboi blog post about him!  Everyone from KGW’s Live at 7 to OSBridge is clamoring for him to make an appearance so the legions of the pdx tech community can bask in the presence of the godfather of geekhood.
Phew.  That’s a whole lotta geek right there.

Beantown Diaries

I’m in Boston.

As I tweeted upon my arrival:

I’m in Boston, tweeps.  Hello Harvard Square.  Hello Newbury Street.  Hello stomping grounds of my misspent youth.

Whenever I’m in town, I always find myself remembering all the crazy shit I did when I lived just an hour, exactly, from this place.

What? What’s that you say?  You want me to regale you with crazy tales of my crazy exploits in crazy Beantown, Boston Mass, birthplace of the nation?  Just a hop skip and a jump from Lynn, Lynn, city of sin?

Well.  Have yourself a seat, little buckaroo, and I’ll dangle a couple tasty morsels of high school chicanery in your general di-rection.

Like the time I was waiting in Harvard Square for my best friend Kim.  I was fresh out of my first month and a half at Syracuse, on my way home for Thanksgiving break.  I was mohawked.  I was purple haired.  I was disillusioned youth-ed.  I was so punk rock.  I was going to hang out in Boston with my friend Kim for a day before heading home.  I was 100% rebel.  I was also going to Syracuse University on partial scholarship as an aerospace engineering major.

Right.  So in retrospect, I suppose the Boston street kid task force didn’t pick up on the whole engineering student vibe.  I tried telling them I really didn’t need any clean needles or a place to stay, thanks.  But the sandwich wasn’t half bad.

Then there was the time I totally ditched work the summer before I left for college and Kim and I headed down to Boston for a night on the town with some other friend of hers.  We went to a goth club and were gothy.  We emo’d all night long.  I met a boy named Derrick who I fancied.  He was very pale and full of angst.  WINNER!  I pined over him for a week or two, despite never seeing him again.  I remember walking back to my car, about 2 miles away.  Kim and our other friend were fast walkers, and sorta left me behind.  Drunk, you know.  So, I was walking down Comm(onwealth) Ave, at about 3am, essentially by myself.  I had my knife out, in my hand.  Ready.  Because I was not alone…and it was dark…and not well lit…and not a good part of town.  Plus, there’s the whole I’m-a-total-badass thing.

I also discovered Clannad that weekend.  Still, my favorite Irish band EVAR.  Maire Brennan is the shit.  Makes her sister Enya sound like a walrus needing an epinephrine shot.  (Total exaggeration there, in case you were wondering.  Enya is fab.  Just, her sister is More Fab.)

And of course there was the day I skipped school and Kim and I and a couple others (Kim was quite the bad influence on me, wasn’t she?  Wish I could find her 😛 ) We hung out on Newbury street generally being nuisances and having just a grand time being Not At School.  Being Not At School makes everything more fun.  It’s like…cinnamon.  With cherries on top, and a dollop of homemade whipped cream.

Now I’m here to visit my new nephew.  See my baby brother as a father for the first time.  Meet my sister-in-law’s parents, who are visiting from Brazil.  That makes them my inlaws, right?  Right?  Because I kinda like them.  Can I keep ’em?  I foresee a trip to Brazil in my future.  Who knows, maybe I won’t come back.

Anything’s possible.

Anything.

Just look at everything that started in this little colonial town.

But I do miss Portland.

And my dog.

The Politics of Silence

Shall I speak of silence?
It flows from me like an invisible tidal wave
Perfectly formed in its silent conflagration

Shall I speak of caution?
It is a paroxysmal pursuit
Couched in silence, draped in regret.

Shall I speak, then, of regret?
It flows through me with no ripple or trace
Dealing damage only realized with time

Let me speak of desire unknown
It consumes me and is consumed
Until nothing is left but glowing, ashen remembrances

Silence, caution and regret.
A stalemated, paralyzing trinity
Enemies of desire.

Old friends, reunited.

There are a handful of musical artists who epitomize my childhood.  The singers and albums that defined my teenage years.  The ones whose voice can instantly transport you to that time, like it was just yesterday.

For me, that short list includes names like the police, the cure, husker du, sinead o’connor, berlin, til tuesday.  The songs, the voices, they are like old friends who always know just the right thing to say to make you smile, who remember what you were like when you were younger, more idealistic.

Imagine my delight when I was reintroduced to one of these old friends with whom I’d lost touch.  The moment her voice drifted from the speakers to my waiting ears was like running into one of those old friends who you’d lost touch with, and finding that friendship, that connection is still going strong even after all this time.  It’s comforting, yet unsettling a little bit.  Much like going home and finding your parents have kept your room exactly like you left it after years have passed…

It’s good to see you again, Aimee.

EPU: Whoa. Like, spring, dude.

Ok all you garden-y types.  Time for a long overdue Eternal Project Update.

Yes yes, it’s been awhile since I’ve updated you on the goings-on in my never ending backyard improvement project.  I’ve been remiss.  Lax in my duties.  Being slackerific.  Seriously though, I’ve been busy.

Mind you, that isn’t to say I’ve been slacking off on the Eternal Project itself!  Oh  no no no my dear flora-nistas.  I’ve been a busy little beaver in my bustling backyard, I have!  I’ve been growing lots n lots of stuff of the green leafy chlorophyll-filled CO2-mitigating variety.  And I now have a lovely little patio set, so I can actually sit at a TABLE and, like, work and stuff.  Or read.  Or surf the interwebs.  At a TABLE.  OUT SIDE.  Amazing!  I’m still trying to decide which big project I’m going to tackle this year.  Last year was the fire pit (which got some great use this past weekend!).  The year before that was pouring the patio.  This  year, I’m toying with the idea of some planting, some wall building, and perhaps a stone-paved hammock nook, complete with hammock-level shelf for drink storage.  Ahh, the lazy days of summer. Bring it.

The Lilacs:

Lilacs smelled AMAZING.  I wanted to snort them like cocaine.

Lilacs smelled AMAZING. I wanted to snort them like cocaine.

The Salad Garden:

So I had this goal to 1. eat way more salad and 2. never buy salad from the store this summer.  Ergo, salad garden.

BEFORE.

BEFORE.

NOW

NOW

The First Salad!

The First Salad!

MY VERY FIRST ROSE BLOOM FROM MY VERY FIRST ROSE BUSH

I think the picture speaks for itself.

I live in Portland.  Isn't there an ordinance that says all PDX residents must have at least one rose bush?  I'm just doing my civic duty.

I live in Portland. Isn't there an ordinance that says all PDX residents must have at least one rose bush? I'm just doing my civic duty.

Bamboo…

is finally growing.  At an approximate velocity of 5.3 feet a day (roughly, compounded).  Help me.

Grow faster grow faster grow faster eeep!  grow slower grow slower grow slower...

Grow faster grow faster grow faster eeep! grow slower grow slower grow slower...

Vampires. I haz them.

Apparently I’ve invited vampires into my life.  Not the blood sucking, Nosferatu-ian undead creepy kind, but the time sucking, caffeine-endorsed kind.  And not just invited, but welcomed, sat on the couch and chit chatted, made them tea and crumpets, handed over my calendar, and flirted with their buddy Mental Overload.

Yeah, I’m busy.  I keep telling people that, and they give me the “right, sure, you’re ‘busy’…” look.  The look I give to people when they say they’re really busy.  The look that says you really ought to learn to say no.

Look, I have no problem saying no.  No problem at all.  My problem is I’ve already said no to everything I don’t really want to do, or that I feel doesn’t need me.  What’s left is all the stuff that I don’t want to say no to, or simply can’t.  And that really really sucks, because, well,  I don’t want to say no to all this stuff.  I’m pretty spoiled, you know.  I usually get what I want if I have any control over it.  And all this stuff is all stuff I want to do.

I just thought you all should know, for the record, that when I say I’m busy…I really really mean it.  Especially this month.  This month is a perfect storm of busy.

But I will always have time for you, interwebs.  You and a select few…I will always have time for you.

Mental fortitude, or how to pretend bad stuff didn’t happen

A very very bad thing happened to me last night.  A gruesome, bone-chilling thing.

Allow me to set the scene.

One of the things I love about my house is warm nights on my front porch.  Sitting in my low lawn chair with a tasty drink, watching the ebb and flow of the night take hold of my little neighborhood, I can feel the knots in my head and heart loosen, the constrictions ease.

Last night was the first time it was warm enough for me to partake in this little ritual of mine.  I sat on my porch with my trusty little pooch (No, I don’t want to play frisbee.  No, I don’t want to play fetch.  No, I don’t want to play frisbee…etc).  Tasty drink in hand, my own little summer concoction of OJ, Malibu and 7-up (very refreshing!), I settled in to watch the night slowly creep down my street.  Little did I realize, I would soon be coming face to face with something so horrible, so terrible…dare I go on?  Dare I retell this story?

I do.

As usual, I finally gave in to my pup’s insistence that I play with her.  (Really, it’s not hard.  I’m such a pushover for that dog.)  I step off the porch, over to the grass to play with her.  That’s when it happened.

I stepped on something.

Did I not mention I was barefoot?  Yeah, barefoot.  And I stepped on something.  Squishy.  Gooey.  Slimy.

And then…the horrible part happened.  Even now, the thought gives me chills.

Whatever I stepped on, whatever gooey slimy squishy nasty thing it was…moved.

On my bare foot.

Squishy gooey nasty slimy MOVING thing*.  ON MY BARE FOOT.

Of course, my first instinct was what any sensible girl would do:  Start leaping about screaming bloody carnage-drenched murder while frantically sandpapering my foot with gravel and rocks and dirt and …probably actual sandpaper too.  Yeah, it was that bad.  But not me, my friends.  Not me.

Because I have a mental constitution of IRON.  I am IRON BRAINED GIRL.  I keep cool under pressure.  I don’t sweat.  I don’t break down.

All that breaking down, freaking out, crying panicking overreacting girly stuff – I just save it up for later.

(What?  Sheesh I’m only human!)

What I did do, is instead of all that ZOMG THAT IS SO GROSS EWW EWW EWW EWW that my brain starting queueing up, instead of that I said this:

“lalallalalalalalalalala that didn’t just happen that didn’t just happen lalalalalalalalalala i’m just gonna calmly scrape my foot on this here welcome mat that feels like sandpaper LALALALALALALALALAAAAAA”.

And then I went back inside and took a shower.  And finished my drink.  And attempted to completely erase the memory of that gooey slimy squishy MOVING thing on my foot.

I am a rock of mental fortitude.

*Ok you and I both know it was a slug.  In fact, I’ve been finding them lurking by that area since it’s close to the garage, where my cat’s food is.  I’ve even found a couple of them in her food bowl, chowing down.  FYI:  I’ve never been a big fan of slugs, but now….now I hate them just that much more.

The Fair Returns.

I have very important news to tell you, interwebs.  You best sit down.

Sitting?

Ok.

So, I tend to scoff at screaming squealy fangirl/fanboi displays.  And when I say tend to, I mean seriously people, have some dignity, would you?  Just because someone has achieved success in music or film, doesn’t mean they are any better a person that you or I.  Assuming you and I aren’t serial killers or pedophiles or psychotic lunatics, of course.

(Damn.  Now I’m gonna get google hits for pedophiles and serial killers.  One can never win this google war, fer fuck’s sake.)

Now, mind you, I have my favorite public figures.  And as you may or may not know, one of the people on top of that list is Sarah McLachlan.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned her?  Once or twice?  No?  Lies!  You OBVIOUSLY never read my blog, EVER.

Yes, so I’m a big Sarah fangirl.  I think she’s not only talented, and driven, but she gives of herself and goes out of her way to help women and children and puppies and kittens.  You’ve seen the ASPCA/BCSPCA spot she did?  Yeah, I get teary EVERY TIME, dammit.  Hello, manipulation….  But I don’t get swoony-all-over-shit-and-be-generally-pathetic when she comes to town.  Oh no sirree.  I buy my ticket, and bask in her awesomeness, frame my ticket stubs, travel to Vancouver BC just to visit the Nettwerk Records offices, and nearly get kicked out of places for taking a bajillion pictures of her.

No, because I’m an amateur PHOTOGRAPHER.  Get your mind outta the gutter, interwebs.  Just cause I mentioned …oh never mind.  And hey, there’s lots of great bands on the Nettwerk label.  Like…um…hmm…like….huh.

No no really, I kid.  Like Ladytron, Guster, BNL, Jars of Clay, Manufacture, Delerium, Severed Heads, Skinny Puppy, etc  to name a few that I like off the top of my head.

So of course I’m on Sarah lists, and I get Sarah notifications. And because of this, I have news, interwebs.  NEWS OF THE GREATEST IMPORT.  If any of these apply to you:

1. You like Sarah Mchlachlan

2. Enjoy indie women’s music

3. Think girl rockers kick ass

Then hold on to your hats, interwebs.  Sit down.  Take a deep breath.

LILITH FAIR IS BACK ONCE AGAIN.

Yes, Lilith Fair, the paragon of women’s music festivals, will be hitting the tour maps in 2010.  Last time, I followed it for three days, from Portland to the Gorge and back.  Three days of Erica Badu, and Natalie Merchant, and Tara McLean (who gave me a free ticket to the portland date!), and K’s Choice and Suzanne Vega and The Pretenders and Dar Williams and Bonnie Raitt  and and andand!  It was three days of pure hedonistic drunken women’s music bliss.  I can’t even imagine who will be on the bill this time.  Let the speculation begin!  Plus, we all know that Portland has traditionally been one of , if not THE first stops, because Sarah loves Portland.  I know, she told me.  There was this dream, and…

*cough*

Never mind.

Now I’m not saying I’m gonna get all squealy and screamy and stuff…But when I heard this news of awesomeness I did let out a huge SQUEEEE!!  of happiness.  In the privacy of my own home.  Where no one can see me.

Don’t tell anyone, ok?

Can I buy tickets yet?