I miss my drugs.

I’ve been a raging bitch for like a month now. And broke. And drugless, which explains the raging bitch part.

The wierd thing about “Dysthymic Disorder”, which is what I apparently have, is that if untreated for long enough, you start to buy your attitude. What I mean by that is this: You know you have no logical or even emotional reason to feel the way you do (usually irritable and snappy and such) but you can’t help yourself. You don’t remember how to be mellow, and go with the flow, even though you’re pretty sure that when you *did* remember it you seem to recall that you thought you were pretty damn good at it. But for now…all you feel is pissy. Except inside your head, way down deep, you muster up a chuckle here and a smirk there, but it’s too deep under the pissy shit to come out.

Where was I? Oh yeah..buying it. So this goes on for a while and you keep tellin yourself “I just gotta hang on, couple more days and I’ll get paid, then I can buy more drugs.” But meanwhile…you start inventing somewhat plausible explanations for your pissiness. “Well I feel this way cuz o that.” or “If so and so didn’t act that way I wouldn’t get all pissy.”

Go on long enough…and your entire life will crumble as you continue to buy your crap and friends stop calling, work gets more and more difficult…the trend could spiral out of control.

But not for me, pal. No way. I’ve seen this shit and bought it all before…and I ain’t gonna buy it no more.

Cuz I got paid. And the pharmacy mailed my drugs yesterday. So catch me in a couple days, alright?

Later

and…

Peace :-)

Category: Thoughts

Comments

  1. LJ says:

    Yeah you’ll be back to normal